


Skin to Skin

by ReyloRobyn2011



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breast Worship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Mental Illness, Mild Sexual Content, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 09:40:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11101893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyloRobyn2011/pseuds/ReyloRobyn2011
Summary: He had been groomed, abused, assaulted, violated, and tortured. If only he had been stronger, if only he hadn't given in to that voice. Where would he be today?





	Skin to Skin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChecktheHolonet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChecktheHolonet/gifts).



> This is a cope fic. I've had some intense emotions lately and really needed to get them out. Sorry for the angst. It ends happily though.

The pain lanced through his mind like phantom fingers squeezing and clutching his brain. The searing headache blurring Kylo’s vision. No not Kylo, not any longer. Ben. He sat up in the bed and grimaced at the sharp pain radiating behind his eyes. Guilt settled in his stomach, reminding him that this was less than what he deserved. The sins that were carried out by his hands-- sins that could never be forgiven or forgotten.

He walked quickly to the bathroom and emptied the contents of his stomach. Although that phantom voice that lived in the back of his head had been eradicated months ago, the damage had already been done. Insecurities and self loathing drilled into his very being. Snoke may be gone but Kylo, or was it Ben-- Ben was still damaged.

He had been groomed, abused, assaulted, violated, and tortured. If only he had been stronger, if only he hadn’t given in to _that_ voice. Where would he be today? He could almost hear Snoke’s gruff voice chastising him.

_Weak. Failure. The galaxy would be better off without you. Nobody could ever love a murderer._

He clenched his fist and felt the sting of his cracked and bleeding knuckles. He rifled through the cabinets, searching-- always searching. And he knew that he wouldn’t find what he needed. All blades had been confiscated. He was a danger to himself.

The voice seemed to grow louder in his mind. More words assaulting him and making him feel hollow. _Worthless_. _Inadequate_. Ben stripped his shirt from his body and wrapped it around his fist. One quick punch shouldn’t cause too much noise. The mirror shattered under the force of his blow.

Quickly, he thought. Before she wakes. He grabbed a shard of the mirror and pressed it to his wrist, jaggedly he ran it across his skin. The pain was somewhat of a comfort, it would all end soon. The voices, the doubt, it would all end soon.

He heard the door slam against the wall as _she_ walked in, rushing to his side.

“No, no, no. What have you done.” Rey cried as she grabbed his wrist.

“Just let me go, I can’t do this anymore.” he begged, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“No, Kylo.” she covered the wound and began Force healing him.

“I’m not Kylo,” he screamed.

She ignored him and concentrated on healing his wound.

“I’m not Kylo.” he whispered. “I’m nobody.”

***

Rey laid him back against their bed and promptly removed her clothing. She crawled into his lap and grabbed his face, pressing it in the space between her breasts. He kissed the soft swells of flesh and felt his breathing start to even out.

“It’s okay-- Ben, it’s okay.” she cooed as she carded her fingers through his hair.

He kissed his way across her breast until he reached her nipple, quickly his tongue darted out and licked the tip. Rey’s hands grasped his head and pulled him in even closer. He took her nipple between his lips and sucked.

His hands smoothed up and down her spine as he continued to suck at her breast. This was her way of comforting him, and he was forever grateful. The voices in his head seemed to calm with each warm brush of skin against skin.

His eyes fluttered closed as he relished the sensations of her stiff peak against his tongue. He left one hand splayed across her lower back while the other snuck around and cupped her other breast, pinching and plucking at her nipple.

Rey was grinding her hips against his own, the attentions to her breasts causing her a warm wetness between her legs.

Ben quickly freed his erection and brushed it against her slick folds. She moaned into his neck and lifted her body up enough to take him in to the hilt. Ben pulled off of her breast with a slick pop and groaned at the feeling of her tight pussy around his cock. He nuzzled her nipple with his nose before cupping her breasts and giving the other tit equal attention.

The love making was slow and gentle. And when Rey reached her release, he sucked her nipple into his mouth and thrusted up into her until he shot ropes of come into her tight pussy. She collapsed on top of him, her breasts pressing into his naked chest. The warmth of their bodies radiating inside of him, the skin on skin, the smooth touch of fingertips on his lips as she traced his features.

She knew just how to soothe him.

He rolled her over so she was lying on her back against the mattress. He rested his head against her breasts and closed his eyes, listening to the steady beat of her heart against his ear.

She's his light, his reason, his comfort.

***

Some days were harder than others, finding it difficult to leave the comfort of his bed. Ben wrapped the blankets around his body and willed himself to sleep. He wondered why he still felt this way when the reason for his fall had been eliminated. Yet, he still felt the darkness shrouding around his soul. Pushing and pulling against his mind leaving him feeling confused and hopeless.

Rey did her best to provide him comfort, and it did comfort him. But it wasn’t the resolve that he needed to carry on in life. He still felt broken and helpless.

It wasn’t until Rey came home with the little bottle of white pills did the severity of his situation began to sink in.

“Please,” she said.

“You think I’m crazy? That I can’t cope without those magic little pills?”

Her anger, though beautiful, rivaled his own.

“It is better than your choice of self medicating.”

An image of him bleeding on the floor of the bathroom was projected into his mind.

“I can’t lose you,” she cried.

And it broke his heart.

He took in the tears streaming down her face, the hazel eyes that he had fallen in love with-- puffy and red because of him. He was always hurting someone. His mother, Rey, _himself_. Would this cycle ever end?

He walked over to her and brought her head to his chest, allowing her to soak his shirt with her tears. He grabbed the bottle out of her hand and held it in his palm. She looked up to his eyes, hopeful and full of love.

Ben kissed her on the lips and pressed his forehead to hers.

“I love you starlight.”

“I love you Ben, we need to get your better.”

And he would get better, with her help.


End file.
